Fear of Being Gay Masquerading as Gender Dysphoria
Several detransitioned people describe how their discomfort with puberty was less about their bodies and more about the social meaning of becoming an adult homosexual. One gay man recalls, “As I grew older I got more masculine which started causing me ‘dysphoria’ which really was just a fear of aging into an adult gay man” – Aware-Resist-8655 source [citation:eae609f7-d962-4790-8e24-6ad9a5b556ba]. By presenting as a girl, he could keep dating boys without facing the stigma of being a gay man. A lesbian woman had a similar experience: “I refused to question whether I was a lesbian, because I felt the need to be attracted to men… I didn’t begin to fully accept myself until around 22-23” – fir3dyk3 source [citation:cb3c21f0-7485-4e28-b824-0121cfbdd195]. Transition offered a socially acceptable escape route from the label “gay” or “lesbian.”
Media Stereotypes Fueling Self-Hatred
Negative images of gay and lesbian people shaped how these individuals saw themselves. One woman explains, “Lesbians usually die. If they didn’t die, they were in pornos. I didn’t want to die, or be in a porno… I internalized my attraction toward women as wrong, unhealthy, and something that will go away” – ParticularSwanne source [citation:ae9b8129-71e9-4cce-a8ca-ad22be5edd56]. Constant exposure to such caricatures convinced them that being openly homosexual was dangerous or shameful, making the idea of changing sex feel safer than challenging the stereotypes.
Body-Hatred Rooted in Orientation, Not Sex
Some describe hating their bodies only after realizing they were attracted to the same sex. A gay man remembers, “I discovered I was gay at 9, right at the start of puberty. I started hating the body I was growing into around the same time… I can’t stand the idea of being with a man in this body” – Your_socks source [citation:cad02c17-d595-4c17-957f-696654d70214]. The distress was not about the body itself but about what that body signified in a homophobic culture. Recognizing this distinction allowed them to work on self-acceptance rather than pursue medical transition.
Liberation Through Gender Non-Conformity
Once they identified internalized homophobia as the true source of their pain, detransitioners found freedom in simply being gender-non-conforming gay or lesbian people. One man says, “Part of detransition for me has really just been accepting myself as a gay man… this whole process is just about accepting and loving my male identity honestly” – Aware-Resist-8655 source [citation:eae609f7-d962-4790-8e24-6ad9a5b556ba]. By rejecting rigid gender roles and embracing their natural personalities, they discovered that comfort with their bodies and identities could be achieved without changing sex.
Understanding that fear and shame—not an innate mismatch between body and self—were driving their distress opened a path to healing. Therapy, supportive friendships, and honest reflection on social messages helped these individuals reclaim their homosexuality and their bodies, showing that self-love and gender non-conformity can be powerful, non-medical routes to peace.